The Man in the Mirror
by Alene236
Summary: Emmett is bored one day and decides to rummage through Rosalie's things. What will happen when he finds her hidden mirror? Comedy and, well, not much else. Please read, review, and if need be constructively criticize!
1. What happens when Emmett's alone

The man in the Mirror

Emmett POV

Ugh! I am so bored! Everyone is gone except Jasper and Edward. They're no fun! Rose went shopping with Alice and Bella, humph! I want her back soon, she knows how to keep me from getting too bored. So the main question is: what does an immortal vampire do when he is bored? Ooh! I know! I search through Rose's things! Haha, I bet I could find something really funny. Like that one time I went through Bella's purse and found those cotton things she calls tampons. When I asked her what they were she got all red and blushy and mumbled something about, "It's a girl thing." Then she walked off. Thinking about that got me wondering: does Rose have anything like that? Well, I'll just have to rummage and plunder! OOh! I feel like a pirate.

"Arg!" I shouted at Jasper as he was passing by my door. Jasper just looked at me and nodded and walked off.

Jasper POV---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just passed Emmett's room and he shouted at me like a pirate. oooookay. Whatever. I walk to Edward's room to see if he knows what Emmett is up to.

"Edward, do you know what is up with. . . "

CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"What the hell was that!"

I ran to Emmett's room with Edward in tow. Emmett was lying on the floor of Rose's closet, on his back, holding a mirror over his head.

"Well, aren't I just gorgeous?" he asked

uh oh.

Emmett POV-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was searching Rose's closet standing on a chair, pulling things off of the highest shelf. Then I saw something shiney. OOOOOh shiney! I grabed at it and fell. I landed flat on my back, but fortunately the floor wasn't broken. And the shiney thing was safe! Yay! I saw myself in it. It was a mirror, and my, my, my, did I look sexy.

Just then, Edward and Jasper came running into the closet. I asked then if I was gorgeous, because, well, I am. and they just shook their heads and stared at me.

"I'm a sexy beast. Yes I am, yes I am." I said to my relfection in the mirror. Hahaha, Rose landed herself a pretty amazing guy if I do say so myself.

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this. I am cowriting this with LightOfMyLife and this was mostly her idea. More chapters to come, but I would appreciate your feedback. And nothing about "Emmett can be serious. . . " yes, he can, but most of the time in my stories, he isn't. It it more fun that way. so deal.**


	2. I'm too sexy

The man in the mirror ch. 2

_**A/N: I FORGOT TO ADD THE DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT, IF I DID EDWARD WOULD BE MINE AND EMMETT WOULD BE MY MONKEY! HAHA NO JUST KIDDING. EDWARD WOULD BE MINE THOUGH! I ALSO DO NOT OWN AMERICAN IDOL, IF I DID ADAM LAMBERT WOULD TOTALLY WIN! OR ALLISON WOULD WIN! CUZ THEY ARE THE BEST TWO! **_

Edward POV

Emmett is now running around the house spray-painting "I'm too sexy 4 u" all over the walls. Fortunately this particular spray paint is the type that you spray in your hair and it comes out with water. But Emmett doesn't need to know that. I wonder what Rose will think when she gets home. Which is any time now. . . no wait, that's now. Rose and Alice entered the house with my beautiful Bella in tow. I immediately ran over to my Bella and whispered, "Wait till you see what Emmett is up to."

"Oh, I know that he's up to something. Alice had a vision. But she wouldn't tell us what he was doing." she answered as Emmett came around the corner holding the silver mirror at arms length.

"Emmett, what the heck are you doing? And, what's this all over the walls? Honey, believe me, I know your sexy. But this is a little overboard," Rose slowly walked over to Emmett and placed a hand on his arm. Then she made her mistake:

"Emmett, just give me the mirror." She grabbed the mirror and tried to pry his fingers off of it.

"NO mine!!!! It's mine! It shows me just how sexy I really am!" Emmett pulled the mirror away and ran up the stairs.

A little while later (Carlisle and Esme were still away) we all sat down to watch American Idol. Simon just trashed a contestant and it had just cut to commercial. Emmett jumped in front of the television with the mirror in his hands and he sang:

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts (at this point Emmett tore his shirt off and swung it over his head like a stripper)

And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan

New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party

Too sexy for your party

No way I'm disco dancing (Emmett did the whole John Travolta disco move)

I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I do my little turn on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car

Too sexy by far

And I'm too sexy for my hat

Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat

Poor pussy poor pussy cat

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song

Bella burst out laughing, she couldn't catch her breath. Rose jumped up and pulled Emmett away. And Alice came up to the rest of us and said, "Okay, I have an idea that just may get him to stop this whole mirror thing. You guys in?"

**A/N: TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! I'M REALLY INTERESTED.**


	3. Why is my head so big?

The man in the Mirror ch. 3

Edward POV

"Oh yeah, we're in." Bella answered.

"okay, this is what we do:

1.) We place random funhouse mirrors around the house.

2.) Eventually he will think something is wrong with his mirror and we convince him to get rid of it.

3.) we place the mirror in the middle of the road and wait until someone runs over it.

4.) voila! no more mirror.

5.) we take the funhouse mirrors down after laughing at Emmett's breakdown.

How does that sound to you?"

Everyone nodded and proceded to plan for the mirrors.

----Next day------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All of the mirrors were put up without Emmett even noticing. It pays to have him completely engrossed with his own self. Emmett came down the stairs screaming.

"AHHH! I am so ugly! What is up with these mirrors? Why does it show me with a really big head?"

"Because your head is inflated with your ego." Jasper murmered.

"Rose! What is going on? Is my precious mirror lying to me?" Emmett asked frantically.

"Yes, Emmett it is. That is why the mirror was put up. So it couldn't lie to you." She answered.

"Well, take it away! I do not want to be lied to, especially by things that don't talk!"

"Isn't that the worst? Being lied to by something that can't even lie to you?" I joked silently. Alice giggled.

Emmett threw the mirror at the couch. Bella picked it up and we all followed her outside (minus Emmett who was having a breakdown from being "lied to" by a mirror). I pulled her onto my back and we all ran down to the road. She placed it facedown in the middle of the road and we all waited to the side.

Suddenly some idiot in a mustang come down the road. CRUNCH! he ran over the mirror drove down the road a little bit, then pulled over. It was this scrawny nerd with tapped up glasses who came out of the passenger side of car.

"Hey you guys better watch it! I've got some big friends who would beat you just for. . . " But he stopped mid-sentence after getting a good look at Rosalie, "a.. . . .blah. . . buhahlala, dub dub dub." then he turned around and hopped back in his car.

Um, okay. well. After that we headed back to the house laughing at the guy for oogling at Rose and for Emmett for being an idiot.

When we got back into the house, Emmett was in the fetal position on the floor of the kitchen, dry crying and blubbering because he was surrounded by funhouse mirrors. Rose got him to his feet by saying she was going to do something with him in their room. . . really I don't want to know. . . I guess I'll hear them at it later. Great.

Alice and Jasper started disassembling the mirrors and I pitched in. Taking them down took forever, longer than it did to put up. By the time we finished Esme and Carlisle came home.

"So, what did you guys do while we were away?" Esme asked.

"Emmett became obsessed with his reflection, we reduced him to dry tears using funhouse mirrors, Rose stunned a poor nerd speechless, and we cured Emmett of his obsession." Alice clarified.

"Um, ok, well next time we leave, don't break Emmett's spirit. Okay?" Carlilse asked.

"Yeah, sure, okay." Bella said inconvincingly.

**A/N: I HOPE YOU LIKED IT! I SURE ENJOYED WRITING IT! THIS IS THE END OF IT ALL!**


	4. OOOOOPS!

**I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE!!!**

**I WAS NOT WRITING THIS WITH LightOfMyLife I WAS WRITING THIS WITH TWILIGHT FANADICT!!! I AM SO SORRY!!! **

**I WANT SOME CREDIT TO GO TO TWILIGHT FANADICT**

**TO WHOM MOST OF THE PLOT CAME FROM!**


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